Parenting Teens

Surely one of life’s most testing times, being a parent to a teenager is something that we realise we are just ‘not born with’. Nevertheless, everything is learnable so that is our hope as parents.

Once your child has passed a certain point the teaching is basically finished. That is the time where all of the experiences and examples that you have brought your child up with start to come into play because now they will begin to put together in their mind what ‘they’ think is right.

Now a change must take place in order for you to be able to communicate with your teenager, that change is about in what light you see your child and how much you trust them in making good decisions. Although there will be many times when you totally disagree, there may be times when you have to let them burn their fingers a little to realise rights and wrongs for themselves.

Having said that, it is also true that a young person of 16 or 17 does not have enough experience in life to make life-changing decisions, so you would hope that they would feel inclined to discuss their thoughts with you before going ahead and making any drastic moves.

This does not mean that you misuse this opportunity to communicate with your child and put your foot down. If you do it will be to your detriment as your child is then less likely to discuss important issues with you.

A discussion with your teenager must begin to be a discussion with another adult or your child will sense that you do not have confidence in their judgement and they may even begin lose confidence in themselves. This is even more so if they have a high esteem for you, and for that reason it is important that you respect that they do have a point of view.

If you do not agree with their point of view a discussion could enlighten you as to where that opposing point of view came from and give you more of an opportunity to explain things further. But if you are closed minded you will not even get that far.

Growing up happens on both sides and adolescence is not a bed of roses on either side of the fence, so by giving and taking a little, you will give your teenager the best example of doing the same.

A terrific book called Parenting Teens With Love And Logic by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay provides great information on how to be a good parent to your young adult.